That Feels I used to Feel...

It's been long since i last update,.
Not like I don't wanna update or anything,...

ever since I study in Beijing it's been kinda hard for me to connect to blogger as blogger is blocked there.

It used to be so fun to update blog, I always spent hours to update my blog, color the writings, finding the right anime pict for me to put them into the blog. I wonder where did all those passion went...

I don't have much to talk either. I used to talk about the person I hate here, also about the person I love. Currently, though, I don't have any feelings for anyone...

I did have feelings for this best friend of mine, but i've been rejected twice by him. As you guys would expect from a best friend, I am Friend-zoned.

I am now having a Winter holiday and haven't met him for weeks already, so i feel so normal right now. What i mean by normal is that I don't think I still have feelings for him now... At least I hope I don't.

This too,. It used to be so fun and exciting to fell in love with someone. I used to get so excited over every small thing that happens between me and that person i'm in love with. Now, however, I no longer felt those excitement. I feel empty. Rejection, friend-zone, doesn't have anything to do with this. I used to be friend-zone, etc, too but I still feel mostly happy to fell for someone... just by seeing that person I felt like I'm the happiest person in the whole world... but now, I don't feel that...

I feel like, I'm starting to change,.. from the inside... I am still as childish as before, honestly, the way i speak and all are also still the same.. but I felt like some part of me, has died.

Copyright to its artist (I just took this from google)

I met my Secondary+Highs School friends just around a week ago during my vacation to Singapore. Yes, they all said I'm still the same,  the way I dressed up, the way I look, the way I talk. But somehow, they also said, that I am so quiet now. I told them I was thinking about my exam results.. but I know deep down it's not the only reason. I realised, nowadays, sometimes, there are just times i wanna stay quiet. I mean, I used to talk non-stop to my friends, doesn't matter whether it's in a cinema, class, or anything. But now, I spent most of my time, especially in University, staying quiet and feeling down most of the time...

I wonder,... If I will be able to find the same excitement as before...

I wonder... If I can feel the same feeling as I used to...